Artist Dan Lacey’s weird paintings of Michael Jackson

// July 1st, 2010 // No Comments » // Where's the Beef

This is some creepy shit!!!!

So here’s controversial artist Dan Lacey’s latest portraits to commemorate the one year anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death, and you’ve got to respect someone who “presupposes” that Michael turned black when he died and then ultimately back into his younger, innocent Jackson 5 form thanks to the mere presence of Tupac. Which almost makes perfect sense until you remember Pac’s not dead and Michael was a Jehovah Witness who touched children so, seriously, shouldn’t there be more fire or is this whole Hell business actually not that bad? Because that could work for me.

Did Chris Brown use tear inducing drops during the BET Awards?

// July 1st, 2010 // No Comments » // Where's the Beef

I saw the clip of this woman beater ‘Chris Brown’ at the BET Awards show crying during the Michael Jackson Tribute, whom by the way is this assholes idol. He tried to sing “Man in the Mirror” and kept falling apart during his performance.

As it turns out, the world was the only one actually crying. Us Magazine says:

Before he took the stage to belt out “Man in the Mirror,” a backstage source tells Us one of Brown’s bodyguards gave the singer, 21, tear-inducing eye drops. Brown’s rep denies it, telling Us that Brown simply “was moved by the opportunity to pay tribute to his idol.” But the witness says Brown definitely used drops. Says the source, “He rubbed it in and he started crying.”

As the escort service will tell you, I’m a lover not a fighter, but how big of a piece of shit do you have to be to use fake tears and the death of another human being to get sympathy and album sales after you beat the shit out of your girlfriend? And most of the people defending this guy were women. What the fuck is going on here? Is this some kind of BET Lifetime movie? Anybody who sees this prick should crack his femur then hand him some eyedrops. Chances are he won’t need them.

That’s right biatches we’re about to steal your money. If you go see this piece of shit movie.

// June 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // What's Poppin, Where's the Beef

Martin Lawrence and Jamie Foxx dusted off their characters Sheneneh and Wanda for a bit at the BET Awards a while back, and people seemed to like it. Since movie execs are braying jackasses who would try to make a movie out of literally anything people enjoy these days (ASS HAIRS IN 3D!), Screen Gems hired Foxx to write an entire movie around it. (TWO MEN! DRESSED AS WOMEN! BOTH UGLY! IT WRITES ITSELF! FETCH MY COCAINE!) Today’s news is that it now has (ulp) a distributor and a release date.

Sony gives the Jamie Foxx (Wanda) & Martin Lawrence (Sheneneh) comedy “Skank Robbers“ an Aug. 19, 2011 release date. I don’t know what the fuck the studio was thinking but we’ll see.

Hayden Panettiere the little sucia from HEROES acting like a, ummm…sucia of course.

// June 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Where's the Beef

I thought only tweens, child molesters, and self-important shut ins still use MySpace, but apparently Hayden Panettiere posted this annoyingly blurry pic where she is on all fours on top of a table. Is there a line behind her or did she think this was a good place to pose? If she wasn’t so freakishly small with a gigantic head, this might be kinda hot. I really wish I could get on board with this, but every time I look at this chick I feel I like I should give her some candy corn or listen to her tell me that the witch is not only merely dead, she’s most sincerely dead.

Like we didn’t know that Jonah Hex was gonna be a piece of shit!!

// June 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Where's the Beef

Megan Fox left the Transformers franchise, because Michael Bay allegedly was a pain in the ass who just wanted her to be the tits and ass in a robot movie, so now she’s promoting Jonah Hex, a movie in which she’s the tits and ass in a comic book western. The first reviews are in, and the critics are singular in their praise! Movieline reports:

At least the reviews aren’t as bad as Marmaduke? Well, not yet anyway. The early critical notices for Jonah Hex are in, and they’re… awful. Only 12 critics have weighed in on Rotten Tomatoes thus far and with the exception of Roger Ebert — seriously, Roger? — the consensus is that the DC comic adaptation is the latest worst movie of the summer. However if there is one thing unifying all the bad reviews — beyond the general hatred — it’s in commenting on just how quickly Jonah Hex is over . Warner Bros. representatives haven’t yet responded to Movieline’s request for running-time confirmation* but in his pan for the AP, David Germain writes: “Take away the eight minutes of end-credits, a lengthy prologue sequence built around comic-book panels and some repetitive flashbacks of action we’ve already seen, and there’s barely an hour’s worth of actual movie in Jonah Hex. And that’s using the term “actual movie” generously.” OK, first: Good burn. But wait — “barely an hour’s worth” of movie. What is this, a direct-to-DVD Olsen Twins movie? Apparently. According to Huffington Post contributor Scott Mendelson, Jonah Hex runs 73 minutes without credits. Steve Persall in the St. Petersburg Times agrees with Mendelson’s time keeping, offering that “it may take longer driving to and from the theater than watching the movie.”
That said, Metromix’s Matt Pais disagrees, writing that Jonah Hex is actually one minute shorter, clocking in at just 72 minutes.

I’m not sure this could get any worse, but it does. Megan Fox reportedly has only ten minutes of screen time. A Crime Stoppers photo of a rapist gets more screen time on the news than this. She better hope David Silver wins the lottery or takes over the Peach Pit soon, because I get the feeling her next movie might be Monah Sex. I’m not even sure if that was a jok eor not, but whatever, Am I just some monkey here to make you laugh?! Huh, is that it?!